Those Who Are Lost

I recently read an article about the “Compassionate Friends”--an organization dedicated to supporting families having lost a child at any age, of any cause. Most of the interviews were what I expected--newly grieving families who had to let go of young children much too soon to the evils of disease, accident, and even in some cases, foul play. Tragic stories, heartbreaking but not surprising. What did seem unusual was my reaction to the interview of a couple who are national leaders of the group. One of the points these good people took great pains to make in their interview was that the grieving process for losing a child, maybe any loved one, is a unique beast that can only be wrestled with, never conquered, and should never be subject to time parameters or judgment. Also not unexpected information, and I agreed with them whole-heartedly. But then they mentioned that their daughter had been gone for 21 years, and, to my disappointment, my first thought was, “And they still go to these meetings?” As if that was long enough. As if I, having been spared the horrific ability to identify with them, could determine when they were “done.” Sometimes the mirror that gets held up to your inner self reflects some unattractive stuff. At those times all you can do is acknowledge the rotten spots and do better. In Marisabina Russo’s Where Is Ben?, a mom only briefly has to look for her hiding boy. May we always find them all.

http://www.paperbackswap.com/Where-Ben-Marisabina-Russo/book/0688080138/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marisabina_Russo

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx