They say the only sure things are death and taxes. Well, they must not have kids. Parents know the one great constant in the universe is that children will memorize every unflattering or inappropriate thing you ever utter--and spout it back verbatim, usually publicly and always accurately. I was standing in front of an open fridge prowling for I-don’t-know-what, and apparently looking as if I might devour the whole lot, when Scarlett came up and asked, “You a pig?” Now, I may have some less than healthy eating habits, and may frequently refer to raiding the pantry as being piggy, but I’ll be darned if I’m going to be called out by a child who has a Pavlovian drooling-dog response to the sound of the Kitchen Aid mixer. When I assured her that no, I wasn’t a pig, she rummaged around on the bottom shelf innocently asking, “I a pig?” I’ve seen the floor after she eats and wasn’t willing to commit to her non-porcine status, so I just told her to scamper away on her little cloven hooves and let me close the door. But it got me thinking about pigs, and manners, and smarty pantses, so it seemed like a good day for reading Nick Ward’s How to be a Practically Perfect Pig to Scarlett and her friend, Joshua. The book lists how to pig it up correctly including leaving your bed rumpled and giving a loud belch after every meal. It’s good advice…if you’re a pig.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Practically-Perfect-Picture-Books/dp/0439998298
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